On Pain (IV)
That is my lord, steereth with cruelness; And every oar a thought in readiness though that death were light in such a case. An endless wind doth tear the sail apace
Sir Thomas Wyatt
Like insects crawling like water
running on skin of numbness
& tingling strange sensations
the ‘energy plug’ has been pulled
with lots of noise & lights, chest pain
blurred vision burning mouth syndrome
it may help to explain why some people feel
low in mood, depressed, frustrated, anxious
worried about things
in the gaping scar affected hover above it
to drop down inside revolved to music
do you believe in an all seeing god,
a benevolent all seeing god? do you
could you imagine a world
without a god, would it be this world?
or is there another
opening up somewhere
after this one is done? do you believe
blackthorn dogrose field maple changes
get confused or altered in the rain
or an alarm reduced that won’t turn off
nerve messages get amplified
& made bigger & so you feel more pain
last of the hedgerows to separate me from
grassland finding path edges i would take you
to the totally indifferent pumpworks
near Biffa Waste Management gentleness
a pale blue you see this
like sharp brittle realisation
is going to be far easier to co-ordinate
in Paradise the frailest spirit made you wait
for the manna of karmic retribution
again i use this object on myself,
it was granted to me by the zero-sum game
in the triangle of symbols or outside it
through a sort of twisted allegory
the unlivable & the process
of making oneself lovable
recognisable in the face
a hand of snow in the fields of changes
how in my throat a cloud of derk
too sometimes pink sometimes rose
is formed through abjection
expels parts like this
a compulsive repudiation
by which the subject
incessantly sustains itself
i want to take your sickness
put it inside me the chemical hit
from which the music emerged
its wearied cords that settled on my
scrotal hernia ‘poetic’ bacteria,
like the stars hidden into word.
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