Monday 29 January 2024



The traditional five-year anniversary gift is wood, supposedly. 

(for PBS one day early) 

The very low odour tough acrylic formula of B&Q Safe Paint with satin gloss finish is venal.

Civilisation too good a word for it. Percy, why won’t anyone leave us alone?

Pass The 10-litre can of Professional Obliterating Paint, please.

Pass the zinc-plated wing nuts, the spur budget gold effect bracket and inspiration shelf.

Not to mention the Zamba Wall Shelving with Tool Rack Hardbeam

I am for both of us against the intrusions. Bysshe, tush, fash not, two hundred is nothing.

Wait until two thousand, then we’ll justly explode!

The very floodlit light of heaven has already been sold, as you predicted.

Nothing to attract you but the chard and sprouting broccoli.

The rest is trash. Babble, babble, babble.

Slick, stink, stink. Happy birthday, wake up, let’s drown together!